All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize