if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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