she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
