So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
