Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
