We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
