We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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