Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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