He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
they need to just BURY HIM!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
