It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
