Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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