no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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