It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to calm my uterus...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
