Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
