oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They took my balls.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
