if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
