I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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