You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
