i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
