Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
