we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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