apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
