i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
