careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
