so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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