We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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