We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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