Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
