I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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