You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
