the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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