Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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