Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Two words: nipple clamps
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