Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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