Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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