I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
