things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
then he tried to convert me to islam
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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