Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
