So drunk its hurt
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
