Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
