So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
