Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
