so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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