Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
