I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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