Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
