I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
