So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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