Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize