cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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