there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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