Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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