it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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