i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
