swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
