found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
