i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize