your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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