And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
