i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
