Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
