i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
