her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
