This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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