I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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