Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
