Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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