I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
