i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sorry about my life...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize