Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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