yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
