both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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