Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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