Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
