I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
His nipple licking is glorious
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
