and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
