Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
