can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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