you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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