She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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