ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
