i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I believe in your delicious
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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