Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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