The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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