so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
