Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
