we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
