i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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