so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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