im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
