I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
