Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He better not be in your backpack
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
