you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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