Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
