My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
