My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
