Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize