I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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