when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've blown a few things in my day
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
